Poenitet
by SweetestSerenade
Summary: As Hermione laid dying, the memories and images that were floating behind her eyelids although similar, are not her own. Is this her punishment? Reminders of the choices she had made that she could never alter. Is there such a thing.. loving with no regrets? [HermionexTheo] [UEA-Soulmate AU] [M for future chapters]
1. Hermione- Present Day

AN: Hi, all! Welcome back(:  
This story was given to me as a prompt for the Soulmate Rare Pair Fest hosted by the FB group: Hermione's Nook. This will be a unhappy ending, so please be aware that if you do not care for those it is okay to bypass this one xoxo

This story is unbeta'd at the moment, if you notice anything needing tweaking please do not hesitate to let me know!

Without further ado here is my story, Poenitet!

Read, Review, and as always Thank you for spending your time with me!

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Flashes, flashes of who they were and what they had flitted beneath her eyelids.

'_This must be it_' she thought.

Her chest was beginning to feel heavy with the anxious weight of what she would relive in just a moment, which was not an unknown sinsation for her as her body had been experiencing an array of problems over this past year.

Growing up she had heard whispers of what the people close to death saw, what they whispered from their lips as they descended towards the unknown. The dying were rumored to have clarity where they reflected on their lives through someone else's eyes.

As the words tumbled from their lips they were convinced that the person whose memories they were witnessing were their soul mates. The majority of the rumors were of stories about whispered i love you's and moments of gratefulness as it was confirmed they had spent their lives with the right person. In other lives the moment was used to express regret, wishing the universe had allowed them to be with their mate.

Hermione had always wondered if there was truth to this phenomena with mild belief, curious if there was any truth to it or if it was similar to numerous religious beliefs in muggle culture. Thinking of your loved ones would be a comforting way to process the fear of dying, or wanting an easy way to atone for your regrets. It was only after she had spoken with ghosts, a delightful element of the job she had held for the past twenty-years as a unspeakable, when she was given proof and testaments that the universe gifted you with the opportunity to relive your life with your soulmate, through their perspective.

She was internally angry that there was not an easier way to be sure of who your soulmate was prior to death. For example, having matching marks on your body or having their names written down somewhere in a book or on a contract, like the universe was setting up an arranged marriage. That way you would know your time with who you loved would not be wasted and you could be content with the knowledge you had made the right decision. Alas, life was not fair and just because she lived in a world of magic it did not change the fact that sometimes you were dealt bad cards. Or in her case, sometimes you just made bad choices.

In the foreground of her senses she could hear the sounds of a lively hospital. The medi witches were working on someone, someone important if she had to guess from the army of photographers outside of her room window.

No, they were not for her.

The photographers lost interest in her and the rest of the trio after they became settled in their lives. Raising children and going to work was not as interesting as defeating The Dark Lord. Even as she laid here on her deathbed she was certain there was someone more interesting.

Especially, she thought, since she made sure to have had the staff sign non-disclosure agreements before she agreed to start her treatments here.

She was dying on her own accord, from her own mistakes.

The only people who knew were her husband as she didn't have the heart to face Harry and tell him what she had done. Hermione was certain that Ron would inform the rest of the Weasley brood once she had gone, if he hadn't already. Lately he didn't really care what she wanted with her life and if she was being honest with herself her decisions hadn't ever mattered to him.

She had filled a hole for him and he was safe for her. Ron would mourn her as a friend, she knew but it was not unknown to her that he had already begun a liaison with another witch. For his reputation's sake, he was keeping it under wraps until she passed and she was simply shocked that he had waited this long. Once the honeymoon phase ended and their jobs began they were like ships in the night, which was okay for her. After ten years together no one expected them to have children anymore and now she was dying.

Hermione began to reflect on her life and although she mourned the loss of her who she would be and what she once had, her friends- she was at peace with her decision not to fight for treatment, to not fight to prolong her illness.

Of course love was not the only thing worth living for but in her mind, there wasn't much left for her. The truth was that she had already had one great love in her life and she was tired of trying to recreate it.


	2. Theodore- Hogwarts

Her scores were always better than his, he didn't mind.

His housemates were always calling her names and blaming their shortcomings on her place in this world, he just rolled his eyes.

He never put her on a pedestal but she never asked to be placed on one.

In fact, her faults were exactly what drew him in; the sparks in her curls when she let her emotions overtake her. The tinge of pink on her cheeks when she was struggling with something, he could see her mentally chastising herself. He loved when he caught her feeling down, if he studied her closely he could see her pick up her pieces and put herself back together.

Her vulnerability was the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

Maybe that was because of his father?

The only emotions he expressed were anger and disappointment. You would never catch Theodore Nott, Sr. in a moment of vulnerability or regret. If your life depended on him admitting to a mistake? You would die. He would laugh as you choked on your last breath, your last word, just as he had Theo's mother.

Theo's life was filled with darkness after that.

It was not until he caught a glimpse of Hermione's swottiness in class their first year that the darkness started to dissipate.

When he saw her punch his best friend? His life exploded with light. He needed to know her, he wanted to speak to her. The silence that surrounded her when she was still, that held her; he knew that silence, it was his home. He wanted her to inhale her and feel her in his bloodstream.

She was the one that took the first step of communication. The first true step of purposeful communication where one couldn't hide their desire to converse with the other under the guise of a homework assignment or needing directions to the lavatory. No, this was her coming to him with concern, with desire for information.

"Are you alright?" Hermione had asked him this as if it was common for her and him to speak. As if she had known him her entire life and he had never been mean to her.

In hindsight, he hadn't actually been mean to her. He was friends with bullies, sure, but he himself never spoke out against her. He never spoke out in defense of her either, so in his opinion he was just as responsible for her pain as the others.

"Sorry?"

"You look.. Morose. More morose than usual, in fact. I mean, you don't normally look like what one would view as cheerful but something has changed." her voice was not overly concerned, it mirrored the voice she used when she read a text aloud in class- resolute as if she was stating a fact.

"I look morose on a daily basis?"

"Indeed." With the simplicity and ease of her statements, Theo was starting to wonder if Hermione was actually Luna Lovegood under the guise of polyjuice potion.

"I am concerned that whatever is on your mind might affect your studies. That wouldn't do, of course since you are meant to be my partner in the next group assignment."

Ah, there she was. "Oof, Granger. You wound me so" He emphasised his statement by placing a hand over his heart. "I am simply a tool for you to in your quest for academic progress"

Hermione scoffed, rolling her eyes at his teasing "Would you be any use for me elsewhere?"

"I could be."

"Hm." she paused, her face thoughtful as she studied Theo for a moment. He wasn't sure what she was looking for but after a moment her face changed, like she had found what she was searching for. "Lets just get through this school year and we will see."

On that note Hermione turned on her heel and walked away, leaving a stunned Theodore Nott in her wake.

She was an enigma and she had every ounce of his attention.


	3. Hermione: Present Day

Hermione Granger had exactly two major regrets in her life. Sure, as she grew to her ripe old age of thirty-five there were many small regrets such as wishing she didn't eat so much pizza the night before, or 'maybe I shouldn't have slept with that one guy', but her deepest regrets? The ones that she held onto with her last breath? There were only two of those.

The first being that she wished she hadn't touched that book, ignored that page, and accidently activated a curse. An unknown, very old, very powerful, incurable curse, to be precise.

The wizarding world knew very little about the curse due partially from the resentence to cast the curse onto unsuspecting witches and wizards that the book had.

The book that held the curse had numerous warnings, little hints littered all over the pages. Those warnings had deterred very many wizards and witches from reading further and the ones that it hadn't... well, she supposed they were dead before they realised what was happening.

As Hermione had read she could feel the magic pin pricking itself on her fingers, tiny little shocks trying to get her to drop the page and deter her from reading further- attempting to protect her from her undoing. The book was supposedly written about the secrets of the veil and promised insight into entering the veil and returning. Hermione was enchanted by the idea of bringing back people who had been lost to herself and her friends throughout the years and during the war.

The title of the book was "Leabhar a 'cumail mallachd" which was scottish and loosely translated to say "this book brings death". Hermione hadn't known scottish and although common sense told her that you should never open something you don't understand, her curiosity and stubbornness got the better of her.

Once she began to read she was enchanted by the words, by the wealth of knowledge. As soon as she had flipped the middle page however, she began to notice that the bottom of her thumb was turning dark. Mistaking it for dust on the pages of the old book she continued on. A few more pages in and she felt burning, like something was branding her. However whatever it was was not burning her skin, no, it was burning her magic. Finally, she had dropped the book- but it was too late.

The curse had already marked her and the knowledge she gained while reading was lost. Her memories of the book left her as soon as her hands left the heavy novel, but the feeling of the brand had not. Attributing the eerie feeling she had on her soul to the darkness around her, she left the library and went home. Ronald still hadn't arrived and although it was her turn to cook dinner she had the urge to lay down.

That was the start of her downfall, as she eloquently put it when she had to describe the scene to her friends, to the doctors.

On top of having a continuous feeling of lethargy, her hair became duller, the tips of her fingers darker. Places where her magic leaked from her body were starting to dissolve or age faster than the rest of her. The spells that relied on large amounts of magic to hold for long periods of time such as the wards around their home or the sticking charms that held up their wedding photos started to weaken. Hermione could still remember how frustrated Ron became once the doctors realised nothing could be done.

After a few months it wasn't just the frame's that held their happiest memories that were shattered.

Ron had started pulling away from her and the pain of her dying in front of him and began frequenting local bars to drink the heaviness away. Sooner than later was when he met a half-blood named Hannah.

Honestly? She felt like she deserved it.

If only she had heeded the warnings the book gave.

If only she had gone home when she was supposed to instead of staying in the library.

If only she trusted her gut.

If only she hadn't walked away years ago…

She would have never married Ron, he wouldn't be going through this pain.

The road of self-pity she was walking down led her to her next regret.

..Theo

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AN : I hope everyone is staying safe! Quarantine for me means catching up on updating as well as some fest work. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter although it is short. As always, this particular story is unbeta'd. If anyone catches something needing fixing, let me know (:

Read, Review, and thank you for spending your time with me !


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